Joss Whedon in Love
by Truman
Summary: Fictionalized origins of "Buffy the Vampie Slayer"...parody on the film "Shakespeare in Love"


Title: Joss Whedon in Love  
Category: Comedy/Romance   
Rated: PG-13  
Characters: My fictionalized Joss Whedon and a few others  
Spoilers: None, really.  
Summary: This is a rip-off/parody of Shakespeare in Love. Watch for clues that will inspire the young Joss Whedon as he suffers writer's block.  
Disclaimer: This is very, very fictionized. I was careful not to give any information about Joss's real life, because I don't know anything about it. I'm sure Joss never had writer's block and all his ideas are his own. I hope this idea was not used before, and if it has, I apologize.  
Feedback: This is my first 'published' fanfic, so PLEASE give me feedback at tack050607@aol.com. Thank you.  
  
Joss Whedon in Love  
  
Joss typed furiously on his keyboard. Thank God he was very good at typing, because he loved having his apartment dark when he wrote. Or tried to write. Joss had big opportunities coming up. He had been a writer on Roseanne a few times, but he felt he could accomplish more. He just didn't know how to start. He typed in "Cindy the Zombie Smasher." No, he thought. That wasn't right. He pressed the delete key. Next he tried "Cody the Monster Killer" No, that wasn't it, either. As the phone started to ring, he typed in "Jesse the Ghost Catcher" He sighed. He didn't stand a chance.   
He picked up the phone, and his mother answered. Great, he thought. Just great. Joss's mother was the last person he wanted to talk to right now.   
"Hi, Joss, my little angel how are you?"   
"Oh, I'm great, Mom, I'm, I'm, I'm..." he stumbled here, then moved his hand down his face. "...I'm terrible. It's writer's block. I can't come up with a good idea to save my life."  
"Angel, you're just a little restless, that's all. You have to have faith. I'm sure no matter how bad you do now, you will have success sometime in the future."  
These words did little to help Joss. He had told himself that a lot, and it hadn't helped him yet. But, he didn't want to seem as depressed as he felt so he said "Thanks, Mom. Thanks a lot." He looked at his watch. "Oh, no. I've gotta go bring back my movie rentals or I'll be fined again. I'll talk to you later, Mom." He hung up the phone and grabbed the tapes. Creature from the Black Lagoon and Nightmare on Elm Street...two pretty good movies, but a man his age shouldn't be watching them anyway. He was at the bottom of the barrel. He headed over to the video store.  
  
Once there, Joss met up with his buddy, Harris, that works at the video store. He slid his tapes in the slot and moved across the counter, where Harris was organizing some of the displays. "Oh, hey, what's going on, Joss?" Harris said casually.  
"Hi, nothing much, I guess. " Joss replied  
"Still sad about breaking up with Cordelia?" Harris almost chuckled.  
"No, I'm over that." Joss smiled.  
"Good! She was a bloodsucking intestinal parasite. She was so mean and just plain...evil." Harris fumbled for words.  
"Yeah, I noticed that too, since it was my blood she was sucking." Joss joked. "So you got any good monster movies left?"  
"Sorry, buddy. In the last month you've checked out every one of our monster movies."  
"That says something about my life." Joss said, half-joking, half-serious.   
"But there is one more," Harris continued, "Dracula is under 'Classics' but you haven't gotten there yet."  
"I'll give it a try." said Joss, and started walking to the back of the store.  
"Oh, wait" Harris remembered. "Try that new Snipes flick. Wesley is the coolest!"  
Joss nodded unenthusiastically.   
"You wanna watch it with me?" he asked.  
"Nah, I can't. I'm watching Spike, the neighbors' dog. They are coming home tonight and I want my pay." He joked. "He misbehaved badly. I hope they put a chip in his brain or something so he doesn't try to bite me next year."  
Joss forced a laugh and headed to the back. He got to the 'Classics' section and looked for Dracula. He found it, but then a nearby car blasted it's horn and Joss turned to the window, still reaching for the cassette when his hand touched another. He looked back, startled, and saw the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She was blond with brown eyes and just a little younger than he was. He stared at her and then realized that their hands were still touching. "Oh, I'm sorry." she said.  
"Uh, my fault, my fault. Go ahead, I wouldn't think of it." He gestured to the only copy left.  
"No, no, I've seen it a million times. You can take it."  
This was Joss's chance. Ever since his last girlfriend, he had been lonely. He decided to take a risk. "Uh...what if I payed for it and then you can over my place tonight or tomorrow or whenever," he stammered, "and we watched it together. Maybe, uh, we could even have dinner, or something, first."  
The girl looked him over. They could hear Harris giggling. The girl stuck out her hand "I'm Cuffy," She said enthusiastically, "and I would be delighted to go out with you."   
Joss couldn't help but smile. A proud smile. He shook her hand. It felt as though a huge weight was lifted off of his shoulders. "I'm Joss. Pleased to meet you. Okay," he said "We'll go to the Weeping Willow on the corner of Sunny Avenue and Dale Street, it's right down the block from my apartment."  
"Sounds good" Cuffy agreed.  
"I'll meet you there at..." Joss pondered  
"7:30?" Cuffy offered.  
"I'll be there." Joss said proudly.  
"So will I" Cuffy said softly, smiling. She turned around and left the store.  
Joss jumped up and down, silently screaming. He rented Dracula and almost ran outside. For the first time in a long time, Joss felt wonderful.  
  
Joss was at the Weeping Willow at 7:20 and waited outside for Cuffy. The happiness due to the success of his asking her on a date had been overwhelmed with the fear of actually being on a date. His palms were starting to sweat. A few minutes later, Cuffy showed up.  
"I thought for a second you wern't going to come." Joss said.  
"Why wouldn't I? Whenever an attractive man asks me to dinner in Video World, I always say yes." She teased.  
"Attractive?" Joss's voice cracked. He cleared his throat and shook his head a little. "I mean, you are really attractive also. So, let's get started." They both entered the restaurant.   
  
A waitress guided them to their seats. She said, "Welcome to the Weeping Willow. I'm Tara, I'll be your waitress this evening." She paused, and said to Cuffy. "Might I add, you look luminous tonight."   
Cuffy looked startled. "Uh...thank you," she said.  
Tara glanced at Cuffy for a second longer. "Uh...can I take your drink orders now?"  
"Sure" Joss said. "Would you like wine or beer or...what do you want?"   
"I'll just have a glass of water." Cuffy said to Tara.  
"Make that two," said Joss.   
"Okay. I'll be back in a few minutes to take your meal orders."  
Once Tara had gone, Joss joked "I think she has a thing for you."  
"You two should join the club." Cuffy retorted almost sweetly. "So what do you do for a living. By the way, I'm a librarian."   
"Oh...well, I'm a writer." Joss smiled.  
"Really? What have you written?" Cuffy asked.  
"Uh...a few things here and there, but right now I'm, really working hard on an idea."  
"What is it?"  
"An idea? Well, it's something you think of when you..."Cuffy started to laugh.  
"No, no, I'm sorry. My idea is that a young girl...in high school...has to, uh, b-battle, or, uh, fight...well, that's the, uh, thing, I don't what she should fight...like, uh zombies or m-mutants or something."   
"She'll kind of be playback for all those girls in high school that die at the beginning of horror movies and TV shows." Cuffy helped.  
"Yeah! Yeah, exactly. I just can't get it started."  
"I'm sure you'll think of something. I wrote a short story once. I just wrote about people I knew and loved. I took things in my day to day life and put them on paper. Write what you know. Of course, my story was never published, so I hope you will have better luck than I did." She laughed. Joss laughed too.   
  
After a wonderful dinner they walked to Joss's apartment. Cuffy said, "Wow-look at that full moon. It's beautiful." A dog howled somewhere in the distance.   
"Yeah. I always thought that it..." Joss was interrupted by two muggers who leapt forward from the shadows. One of them held a gun.   
"Give us all you cash, pretty boy," he snarled. Cuffy yelped. Joss was terrified and he didn't know what to do. He wanted to stand up for Cuffy and himself, but the guy had a gun!  
"Did you hear the man?" The other mugger asked harshly.  
"Uhhh...well..." Joss started.  
Suddenly, Cuffy sidekicked the man backwards. The mugger with a gun pointed it at her she ducked and ran into him, slamming him against the brick wall of a nearby building. The other mugger came up beside them and Cuffy threw back her fist and jabbed him in the nose, with out looking back. He stumbled backwards and ran off, his nose broken and bleeding. She held the other mugger by his neck and said with a bad-girl tone in her voice, "Go to Hell" She then thrust her head at his and hit it. Hard. The mugger, stunned, broke free and ran off. He left the gun, which Cuffy kicked under a nearby dumpster.   
Joss was shocked. "Oh...my...God!" He exclaimed. "That was amazing! Where did you learn how to do that kind of stuff."   
To that, Cuffy answered, "It's been passed down through my family for generations."  
Joss, still amazed at the feat that had taken place said, "Well, that's my building over there."  
  
Joss and Cuffy went upstairs and Joss popped in Dracula. While watching it, Cuffy explained the rules of vampires; how they couldn't go out in the day, how they had to be invited into a building and how they had no reflection. Joss was amazed at that too. The movie came to a close and so did the evening. Both Joss and Cuffy had had a wonderful night, despite the near death experience. They kissed each other goodnight and she left in a cab. As soon as she had gone Joss shut the door, put his back right up against it and laughed. He ran to his computer.   
  
The next morning he rang Cuffy's doorbell. An elderly man opened it. Joss asked, very anxiously and quickly, excited to tell Cuffy the news "Hi, is Cuffy here?" The man looked at him, not saying a word. Joss repeated himself, this time louder. Suddenly, Cuffy showed up at the door, more beautiful then ever.   
"Oh, I'm sorry." Cuffy said. "This is my dad, he's got laryngitis and he can't talk. But what are you doing here?" A huge dog came to the door and charged Joss, but Cuffy held it back. "Heel, Oz, heel! Go lay down, Oz! Go lay down."  
Joss said with a pang of excitement in his voice. "I stayed up all last night and wrote out a huge story-line for my idea."   
Cuffy frowned "...Your script idea?" she asked.  
"Yes...It's called 'Cuffy the Vampire Slayer' and its about a young girl named Cuffy who lives in Sunnydale, California and kills vampires because she has inherited her powers as a Slayer, who is one girl in the whole world at the mouth of Hell sent to get rid of vampires, with the help of some friends.   
"Cuffy?" She said, shocked. "Cuffy, why Cuffy?"  
Joss smiled "Because you're my inspiration. I love you." Cuffy frowned and bit her lip. "What's wrong?" he asked.  
Cuffy smiled shyly. "I hate public attention," she said. "But I love the fact that you made me your hero." She leaned to him and kissed him passionately. Then she hugged him and whispered softly into his ear, "Call her...Buffy."  
  



End file.
